I wanted to blog today about something that lies heavy on my heart.
It is great sadness that has brought me to write this post.
With the tragic death of Tim Bosma I started thinking about loss. I didn't know this man or any of his family but I share something in common. Loss. Loss of a father who was too young to be taken from this earth. I know the pain of not growing up with a male figure in my life to look up to. I've seen the sadness take hold of my mother in the quiet moments when her babies would curl up beside her and say ' I miss daddy'. I cannot compare my loss to anyone elses. My father died of natural causes not because of a ruthless monster's sick agenda. However, it's all relative. Loss is loss, no matter how you look at it. It all hurts. It all takes time to heal. It all doesn't make sense.
Another man who past away this weekend was a brother of a man I work with. My co-workers at the bar I'm employed at are like family to me. When one hurts, we all hurt. Each one of us has felt loss at some point in time. Even though we might not be able to put into words our sympathies we can easily put ourselves in his shoes and feel what he's feeling.
Both of these deaths ended lives too short. It all makes me question why? Why does this happen to good people, to young people. Whether it's a brutal attack, an unseen health condition, or a suicide because of bully and hate. It's never fair, it's never warranted.
After I pulled my co-worker aside and expressed my sadness and sympathies for the loss of his brother, his triplet, he graciously said thank you and then shared with me his thoughts on the whole thing. Even though he is broken and his heart is hurting he said 'life goes on'. He said: ' Life doesn't stop. I still have to take my daughter to dance, I still have to go to work to pay my bills'. I couldn't have agreed more. Granted I think some time is needed to deal with your emotions and be able to go about life without breaking down. However, it's true, life goes on. We need to keep living through the lost life of our loved ones. Everyone deals with grief differently and everyone has different outlooks on it. I don't speak for everyone but this holds true for me.
As we go on living after we've suffered the loss of a friend or family member that person lives on in our hearts. It is in the little moments of life that we can feel their presence. This isn't just a thought or feeling I have, I've seen it first hand- I've felt it. When the night falls and my baby girl can't quite go to sleep by herself, I hold her in my arms and look at her precious little face and see my dad staring back at me. When I burst out laughing at something funny, I can hear his laugh. When I accomplish something great I can feel his presence and know he's watching and proud. My life goes on without my dad. It's never the same as it would be if he were here but it's the life I was meant to live. Everything happens for a reason regardless of if you know the reason or will know it in hindsight. God has a plan. If my dad hadn't passed away, my life would be vastly different. If could be better or it could be worse. I will never know and I don't want to. I suffered through the loss of loosing my father, of knowing he would never meet my baby girl, never walk me down the aisle, never be there to catch me when I fall. But I take great comfort in knowing he's always with me. He's forever in my heart. He is my heart, my soul.
If I can offer anything to all families who have lost a father, mother, sister, brother, child, friend, it is to live the life that they no longer can. It may feel like you can't go on nor will it ever be the same but time will make it easier to live. The life of your lost one will live on in you, and that's worth living for.
In loving memory of Tim Bosma, Dave Willick and my father Stephen Cleverley- forever in our hearts
XO
Amber
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