Monkey see, monkey do

Ok blog readers, time to get back to basics.

I'm taking on the fashion world, the topic that brought me to start this blog originally.

I'm constantly on the look for outfit ideas and ways to take what I own and wear it in a different way. Pinterest is great for this. Every season I pull up the Pinterest website on my laptop and search 'Summer outfits' or 'Fall outfits etc etc'. I keep the basic seasonal essentials on hand such as a great blazer for cooler fall outings or a fun coloured flowing maxi dress for hot summer days. However, I like to see how other people style these things. What accessories they pair it with or different looks that stem from a wardrobe basic.

This allows me to purchase just a few trendy pieces each season that take the look to a new level, and that are usually inexpensive. I don't have to blow my hard earned money on completely different ensemble.

Not only does Pinterest get my creative fashion juices flowing but so does the simple things like people watching. I've been known to ask complete strangers where they purchased certain articles of clothing. Call it too forward or strange but if I like something I want to know where to get it. The world is a giant runway. You can see how other people wear things differently and mimic it next time you are scouring your closet for a fresh new look.

Fashion is always fun and is can always be reinvented. You just need the right tools and confidence to do it.

XO
Amber

My dream life

When I was in high school I never dreamt I'd be where I am today.

I had high hopes of a fabulous career, living in a big city and a to.die.for apartment. I am approaching my 26th birthday this August and have really started evaluating what I wanted then, what I want now and coming to terms with the path I've chosen for myself thus far.

I do not have a fabulous career. However, I am lucky enough to have not one but two jobs. That's more than most people can say these days.

I'm living in Niagara still, a far cry from a big city. There isn't much room here for my big dreams of old to grow. However, this is my home, my daughters home and where my support system of family and friends is and that is something I can't take with me to Toronto, New York or Los Angeles.

I may not have a chic swanky apartment. However, my apartment  is cozy and quaint and a steal of a deal because of my sexy landlord aka my boyfriend. I wouldn't trade a door man in a secure building on a big city street for the comfort and security of living in the upper unit of  my boyfriends home.

I may have left the nest a little too early instead of living with mom for a while and saving up for the future. I may have hastily fled across the country to live with a man whom, at the time, I loved. I may have put my dreams on the back burner for another human being who I wanted to see succeed in life as much as myself. I may have stayed too long in that relationship but one month, or hour or second less and I may not have my precious baby girl. The one who can turn my frown upside down in an instant.

The old Amber would think I may not have it all and the modern day Amber still questions her decisions that led her here today. However, the mistakes I've made are what have made me who I am. I've learnt a lot from this path I have chosen. I am here today because of what happened yesterday. I'm learning slowly that I can still follow my dreams but they aren't the dreams I used to have. Those are out of reach due to circumstances in my life that I can't change, ones that I have chosen to live. I need to make new dreams.

I can only dream that one day I will still be living happily in an amazing relationship with a man who always puts me and M first. One day I will be working only one job that does not require me to be away from home more nights than not. One day I will be home every night with M, doing bath time, reading stories and the occasional dance party in the kitchen before it's time to be tucked into bed. I may not be making big time money or live somewhere amazing but as long as I am making enough to get by and then some and living with and near the ones I love I will be happy.

I look at people like my younger sister. She is 5 years younger than I am. I look at her and I am screaming inside at her to get out of this place, to go back to school while she isn't committed to a husband or children. I want her to go further than I did. To make memories, be silly, be young, be what ever she wants to be without restrictions. To live her life and live her dreams.. Then I stop and think. She isn't me, her dreams may be smaller or completely different than mine were. She may dream of having a life like I do right now. She may just want to be happy. Whatever she becomes, or doesn't, her choices now, good or bad, are leading her to where she's meant to be.

I'm still learning to love where I am and who I am. It'll take time. I think as we grow up we accept our fates a little easier and cherish the person we've grown up to be. I believe we shouldn't have any regrets. Any mistake in our journey is worth making if it makes you a better version of who you are, if you've learnt something from it.

 

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you've imagined"- Thoreau
 

Living through lost life

I wanted to blog today about something that lies heavy on my heart.

It is great sadness that has brought me to write this post.

With the tragic death of Tim Bosma I started thinking about loss. I didn't know this man or any of his family but I share something in common. Loss. Loss of a father who was too young to be taken from this earth. I know the pain of not growing up with a male figure in my life to look up to. I've seen the sadness take hold of my mother in the quiet moments when her babies would curl up beside her and say ' I miss daddy'. I cannot compare my loss to anyone elses. My father died of natural causes not because of a ruthless monster's sick agenda. However, it's all relative. Loss is loss, no matter how you look at it. It all hurts. It all takes time to heal. It all doesn't make sense.

Another man who past away this weekend was a brother of a man I work with. My co-workers at the bar I'm employed at are like family to me. When one hurts, we all hurt. Each one of us has felt loss at some point in time. Even though we might not be able to put into words our sympathies we can easily put ourselves in his shoes and feel what he's feeling.

Both of these deaths ended lives too short. It all makes me question why? Why does this happen to good people, to young people. Whether it's a brutal attack, an unseen health condition, or a suicide because of bully and hate. It's never fair, it's never warranted.

After I pulled my co-worker aside and expressed my sadness and sympathies for the loss of his brother, his triplet, he graciously said thank you and then shared with me his thoughts on the whole thing. Even though he is broken and his heart is hurting he said 'life goes on'. He said: ' Life doesn't stop. I still have to take my daughter to dance, I still have to go to work to pay my bills'. I couldn't have agreed more. Granted I think some time is needed to deal with your emotions and be able to go about life without breaking down. However, it's true, life goes on. We need to keep living through the lost life of our loved ones. Everyone deals with grief differently and everyone has different outlooks on it. I don't speak for everyone but this holds true for me.

As we go on living after we've suffered the loss of a friend or family member that person lives on in our hearts. It is  in the little moments of life that we can feel their presence. This isn't just a thought or feeling I have, I've seen it first hand- I've felt it. When the night falls and my baby girl can't quite go to sleep by herself, I hold her in my arms and look at her precious little face and see my dad staring back at me. When I burst out laughing at something funny, I can hear his laugh. When I accomplish something great I can feel his presence and know he's watching and proud. My life goes on without my dad. It's never the same as it would be if he were here but it's the life I was meant to live. Everything happens for a reason regardless of if you know the reason or will know it in hindsight. God has a plan. If my dad hadn't passed away, my life would be vastly different. If could be better or it could be worse. I will never know and I don't want to. I suffered through the loss of loosing my father, of knowing he would never meet my baby girl, never walk me down the aisle, never be there to catch me when I fall. But I take great comfort in knowing he's always with me. He's forever in my heart. He is my heart, my soul.

If I can offer anything to all families who have lost a father, mother, sister, brother, child, friend, it is to live the life that they no longer can. It may feel like you can't go on  nor will it ever be the same but time will make it easier to live. The life of your lost one will live on in you, and that's worth living for.

In loving memory of Tim Bosma, Dave Willick and my father Stephen Cleverley- forever in our hearts

XO
Amber

The power of Coconut Oil

 

I'm so excited to share this post with you all. I have fallen in love with Coconut Oil and have been using it for a month or so now and feel it's time to let you all in on the wonders of this product.

Initially, I heard about coconut oil from a woman on my facebook feed raving about 'oil pulling'. I had never heard of this before so in usual Amber fashion I took to Google to find out what was so great about it. I learned that 'oil pulling' is an old Indian folk remedy which requires a person to 'swish' or 'pull' oil in your mouth for approx 10-20 min before eating or drinking. They say not to gargle or swallow the oil as it pulls toxins from your lymph nodes, gums and teeth and would be harmful to swallow all that garbage. It can aid in a multitude of things health wise. Once you are done swishing the oil you spit it into the toilet or garbage. Don't let it go down your sink drain because it will solidify and cause blockage. It's recommended that you use coconut oil, which comes in a solid form. Other types of oils can also work. Learning all of this info lead me to research coconut oil in more depth.

Like I mentioned, it comes in a solid form. The best way to describe it is that it looks like lard. You can purchase it in the organic section of your local grocery store. So how has coconut oil changed my life? I have suffered with psoriasis for years now. Sometimes it's really bad, sometimes its nonexistent. Last summer it covered my calves and forearms. It's embarrassing and painful and just plain ugly. This spring it decided to disappear from my legs and arms and resurface on my stomach. As if having a belly covered in stretch marks wasn't enough I now had red blotches of dry skin too. It was especially painful in this area because it was conveniently located on my hips right where my jeans would sit. By the end of the day my skin hurt so bad from having my pants rub on the infected area all day long. Something had to give. I tried Gold bond, which I heard helped other people with this problem. It would take the pain away slightly but wouldn't ever make it go away completely. Not to mention it smelt horrible. I'd seen a dermatologist and he didn't have much to say about it. He wanted to prescribe a bunch of different meds for it, all of which were costly and not practical. It wasn't until I discovered coconut oil as a moisturizer that I found relief.

I bought a jar ($15.99 @ Zehrs) and would apply it directly to the trouble areas on my stomach twice a day. It became part of my getting ready routine and my bedtime routine.  It melts in your hands from the heat of your body and is super oily but absorbs a lot into your skin so I didn't feel like I had an oily film on me all day. It also never left residue on my sheets and night. Over the course of a few weeks I used coconut oil religiously. I also got my mom hooked on it. She uses it as a substitute for butter in her pancakes that M loves so much. She melts it on her potatoes and also puts some in the pan when making stir-fry. She loves it as much as I do. It’s so good for you. Inside and out it’s the best oil to use.

I am now a month into using this miracle product. It has pretty much cleared up my psoriasis completely. And those stretch marks M graciously blessed me with, well because they were in the area of my psoriasis they got covered in the oil too. They have faded significantly. I've tried Bio Oil and Strivectin, both of which were a waste of time and money. My stretch marks were pretty horrible, red and wide. I knew they'd never go away completely but I just wanted them to be clear or white not red and purple looking. They are now almost the same colour as my skin. It's amazing to me!!!

Some of the other health benefits from Coconut Oil are listed below:

·     Kills viruses that cause influenza, herpes, measles, hepatitis C, SARS, AIDS, and other illnesses.

·     Kills bacteria that cause ulcers, throat infections, urinary tract infections, gum disease and cavities, pneumonia, and gonorrhea, and other diseases.

·     Kills fungi and yeasts that cause candidiasis, ringworm, athlete's foot, thrush, diaper rash, and other infections.

·     Expels or kills tapeworms, lice, giardia, and other parasites.

·     Provides a nutritional source of quick energy.

·     Boosts energy and endurance, enhancing physical and athletic performance.

·     Improves digestion and absorption of other nutrients including vitamins, minerals, and amino acids.

·     Improves insulin secretion and utilization of blood glucose.

·     Relieves stress on pancreas and enzyme systems of the body.

·     Reduces symptoms associated with pancreatitis.

·     Helps relieve symptoms and reduce health risks associated with diabetes.

·     Reduces problems associated with malabsorption syndrome and cystic fibrosis.

·     Improves calcium and magnesium absorption and supports the development of strong bones and teeth.

·     Helps protect against osteoporosis.

·     Helps relieve symptoms associated with gallbladder disease.

·     Relieves symptoms associated with Crohn's disease, ulcerative colitis, and stomach ulcers.

·     Improves digestion and bowel function.

·     Relieves pain and irritation caused by hemorrhoids.

·     Reduces inflammation.

·     Supports tissue healing and repair.

·     Supports and aids immune system function.

·     Helps protect the body from breast, colon, and other cancers.

·     Is heart healthy; improves cholesterol ratio reducing risk of heart disease.

·     Protects arteries from injury that causes atherosclerosis and thus protects against heart disease.

·     Helps prevent periodontal disease and tooth decay.

·     Functions as a protective antioxidant.

·     Helps to protect the body from harmful free radicals that promote premature aging and degenerative disease.

·     Does not deplete the body's antioxidant reserves like other oils do.

·     Improves utilization of essential fatty acids and protects them from oxidation.

·     Helps relieve symptoms associated with chronic fatigue syndrome.

·     Relieves symptoms associated with benign prostatic hyperplasia (prostate enlargement).

·     Reduces epileptic seizures.

·     Helps protect against kidney disease and bladder infections.

·     Dissolves kidney stones.

·     Helps prevent liver disease.

·     Is lower in calories than all other fats.

·     Supports thyroid function.

·     Promotes loss of excess weight by increasing metabolic rate.

·     Is utilized by the body to produce energy in preference to being stored as body fat like other dietary fats.

·     Helps prevent obesity and overweight problems.

·     Applied topically helps to form a chemical barrier on the skin to ward of infection.

·     Reduces symptoms associated the psoriasis, eczema, and dermatitis.

·     Supports the natural chemical balance of the skin.

·     Softens skin and helps relieve dryness and flaking.

·     Prevents wrinkles, sagging skin, and age spots.

·     Promotes healthy looking hair and complexion.

·     Provides protection from damaging effects of ultraviolet radiation from the sun.

·     Helps control dandruff.

·     Does not form harmful by-products when heated to normal cooking temperature like other vegetable oils do.

·     Has no harmful or discomforting side effects.

·     Is completely non-toxic to humans.

(Taken from: http://www.coconutresearchcenter.org/)

 

I will never go without Coconut Oil ever again! I highly recommend adding it to your diet or skincare regimen. If you choose to experiment with it, make sure you are buying 100% pure organic Coconut Oil. 

Hope you fall in love with it as much as I have. 

 

XO

Amber

 

Running on Empty

It came to my attention one evening while I was driving home from one of my two jobs, that I was nearly out of gas. I was actually playing with fire, seeing as the gas light came on just as I pulled out of the parking lot of the bar I work at. I was now about 15 minutes into my 25 minute drive home and praying I didn't run out of fuel. I started to think about how the sight of that little annoying light much resembles my life currently. I feel like I am always running on empty. Whether it's my actual gas tank or my physical and mental state.

I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter, a boyfriend, friends and family,  two jobs, an apartment to upkeep, bills to pay and a car to maintain. My relationships are by far the most important to me, however all the less fantastic stuff often prevents me from nurturing said relationships. I work and work and work and try to pay all the bills and not get too run down but eventually it catches up to me. I know when I've pushed myself to the limits and I'm about to breakdown on the side of the highway. Its during those moments when I need to stop and re-fuel. Everyone has their own way of recharging and preparing to run the next 1000 miles. For me it's taking care of myself and my relationships. It could be ignoring the housework and spending the entire day being silly with my daughter. It  has also been a much needed date night with my boyfriend, which we try to do at least once a month. Then there's those times when M might be with her dad and the boyfriend is catching up with friends and watching hockey. I then retreat to a friends house and spend time with them. While nurturing my relationships I in turn nurture myself. M, my boyfriend, and my friends and family are the ones who fill my tank. They fill my heart with love, comfort, laughter, joy, and a peacefulness in knowing they are what matters most and will always be there to remind me of that. They give me the energy and desire to keep going. Thats  not to say I don't enjoy a night home alone painting my nails and watching Sex and the City reruns. It all keeps me sane.

I've definitly learned a lot about myself  and what makes me happy and what I don't I've learned when to say no to picking up an extra shift, I've chosen spending a day with M over going to work, I've discovered the things that cause me to feel overwhelmed and running on empty. Recognizing when I need to pull over and refuel is key to not burning myself out.

How do you handle stress? What fills your tank?

The Early Bird Gets the Worm

Good Morning!

I've been thinking a lot lately about starting a new routine. I want to train myself to be an early riser. There are several things wrong with this challenge. I say Challenge because I am NOT a morning person, nor is my daughter. We both enjoy sleeping in. It's very difficult for me to wake up earlier than 9 am. This is a problem. I've recently applied for school and registered M for kindergarten this fall. This means we will have to be up early and on the go well before 9. They say it takes 28 days to create a new habit. If getting up early is my new habit then I've decided it's going to take me 6 months to effectively make the change.

I'm up at 6 am this morning. I have a lot of stuff to get done today before I get M from my mom's and before I go to work at 4:30 this afternoon. I figure 'The early bird gets the worm'. For the record, I stepped outside this morning and I didn't see nor hear one single bird. I'm up before the birds damnit!! I did, however, see a cat. So, I'm recoining the phrase: "The early cat gets the mouse". As I came inside and carried myself up stairs to retrieve the laptop I had to avoid collapsing onto the bed. It called out to me with it's fluffy pillows and warm comforter. I looked at it, gave it my best stern 'mom' face, pointed and said 'NO' out loud, as if it could hear me and would disappear into the ground to avoid me falling into it. I can proudly say I resisted the urge to go back to sleep and am still awake, bright eyed and bushy tailed (again a reference to an animal who's up early. Why do humans reference animals when speaking on this topic? Oh that's right.... Because its animalistic to be up at such a ridiculous hour! End vent) I am making leaps and bounds here people!

To avoid this blog getting too lengthly I must wrap it up and get on with my day. My very long day now that I've decided to be up so very early.

It's painful. I might just cry a little.

I hope everyone has a great day!

XO
Amber

Springing forward

Happy Sunday to all my gorgeous readers!!

As I sit on the front porch sipping on a glass of Arbour Mist, I can't help but notice how many people are also outside. Like myself, they are enjoying what is left of this beautiful day. The clocks went ahead last night and its so refreshing to be approaching 7:00 pm with the sun still hovering low in the sky.

I'm sure my Facebook friends are sick of my rants and raves regarding the approach of warmer weather. At this point I say 'deal with it'. I'm a happier person with some vitamin d in me and the warm sun shining down and you all should be thankful for that LOL.

Today was gorgeous and I got a lot accomplished. M spent the night with her dad so I had the opportunity to sleep in, which I took full advantage of. I woke up feeling 100 times better. I got dressed and enjoyed a cup of coffee on the deck with the sun beaming down. I couldn't help but get up and go for a run. The first outdoor run of the year felt sooo amazing. When M returned home we walked over to the park and played. She was beyond happy to be there. I'm sure like many of the peanuts out there she was bugging to hit the park all winter. Today her wish was granted. It was followed by an indoor play doh session and baking chocolate chip cookies. It was such a fun day.

This warm weather certainly agrees with me. I just can't wait for Summer. Summer is my season. In the middle of July my M was born. It's the days in which my romance with Mr. Awesome flourished. And come the end of this Summer Ill celebrating my birthday and then sending myself and my peanut off to school.

So if I seem a little overkill on posting about my love affair with warmer weather I hope you will all understand and join me in welcoming it.

Enjoy the rest of your evening Dolls!

XO
Amber

The long lost blogger

Well hello there my long lost blogger friends! Long time no blog.

I've made the executive decision to re-enter the blogging world. I will be making a few changes to my site and content in the next little while. The reason being, is that the person I was when I started this blog is not who I am today. Yes I am still a self proclaimed fashionista and mommy to the fabulous Miss M, but I've had some major changes happen in my life and it's time the blog reflected that. So please bare with me as I regroup and revamp this page and what I choose to blog about.

On a completely different note, I'm sick! This winter has taken a toll on our immune systems. It seems like every day someone on Facebook is updating their status to proclaim how this bug or that bug has caught up to them. My little peanut was sick and has been off and on all season. It's always inevitable that if she's sick, I'm next in line. Like most mom's I can't help but snuggle her more and get closer to her when she's not feeling herself. I comfort and kiss the cold away, all the way into my body where it festers and rears its ugly head approximately 1 week after she caught it. It's a vicious cycle.

So now that I'm on day two of said cold, I'm drained of energy and I find myself with more to do that if I wasn't sick. I have a long list of things to do around my perfect little apartment. I worked all day, picked M up from daycare, and came home and assisted Mr Awesome cook dinner (there's a whole other blog post on this man coming soon). Then it hit me. The brick wall. The clock struck 7 and I was done, toast, over. I layed on the couch, closed my eyes, and I tried to drown out the sound of Toopy and Binoo. This didn't last long. The demands of a mom are far too extensive to let a little cold get the best of you. So I mustered up the strength to get up and get moving. It's true what they say: 'Move it or lose it'. I choose to move it. I decided the dishes weren't going to wash themselves; M wasn't going to clean her room to my standards and run herself a bath. The bathroom didn't have a magic 'Self Clean' button and my laundry wasn’t capable of walking into my closet and hanging itself up.

I can proudly say I now have clean dishes drying on the counter. My bathroom is spotless. M is squeaky clean and my laundry.... well its laundry and I hate doing it even when I’m not sick. What can I say, it’s a work in progress around here but it’s better than it was before.

I hope to keep blogging regularly and not necessarily about all things fashion but about real life, my life. I’m a fashionista at heart but it’s not the only thing I love. The friends and family I surround myself with make me who I am and I think they deserve some recognition on here once and a while.

 
XO Amber