The bedtime battle

Those of you who are close to me and miss M you will know that bedtime at our house is a nightly struggle and have been a struggle since we made the transition from crib to big girl bed. My baby just turned 5 this past week. It's been a solid 3 years since she said goodbye to her crib and starting making bedtime a nightmare.

From the first week I brought M home I quickly established a bedtime routine. She was bathed, massaged with cream, and rocked until her eyelids began to flutter sleepily. Then I would gently place her in her crib, all snug as a bug, and she would fall peacefully asleep. When she became a few months older I continued the bedtime routine except she'd very often wake up after I tried to place her in bed and proceed to cry for up to an hour. I waited until 6 months before I adopted the 'cry it out' method. I felt guilty at times but for the most part I would simply leave the room, wait it out, and eventually she stopped within 15 min of being put to bed. For a good  year and a half this became the norm. Some nights she was so sleepy that she didn't even put up a fight but usually she maintained crying it out.

The real battle began when I decided it was time for the big girl bed transition. Now she was free. She wasn't held captive by her crib and could roam around her room crying and fighting sleep. She'd bang on the door (doorknobs weren't her forte then). She rarely gave up without a good long fight and it usually ended in me literally rocking her to sleep until she was snoring (yes my child snores like a grown man). Then the day came when she discovered how to open doors. There was no stopping her escaping her room. If she didn't want to go to bed then she'd just come out of her room. I tried every method out there for successful bedtimes. I even followed the "Super Nanny' techniques. It became exhausting. At the end of a long day all any parent wants is at least 1-2 hours of quiet grown up time to relax before we tuck ourselves into bed. I wish I could say that there was this epic turning point where things just magically got better. As if the bedtime battle was just an over extended phase of childhood that she outgrew and she now puts herself to bed. What a dream that would be.

Like I said previously she is now 5 years old and tests her mama's patience every night. I try to keep some of the old bedtime routine in place but life can get in the way. However, she knows when I say it's PJ time that my next words are: 'it's quiet time, let's start getting relaxed and ready for bed'. Then we brush teeth, perhaps read a book, and she is allowed to watch 1/2 an hour of tv in her room. I know some might say the tv is the culprit but tv wasn't a part of her room setup until we moved in with my boyfriend nearly 2 years ago. He said it helped his boys when they were young and I was so desperate I'd try anything. Granted I think it does keep her alert for a bit longer than normal but for the most part she falls asleep. Right, she falls asleep, AFTER she has come upstairs from her room 15-100 times. The other night I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and as soon as I heard 'mommy' echoing up the stairs I quickly whispered to him to tell her I was asleep. He did and she went back to bed and stayed there. The biggest annoyance is that M constantly says 'I have to tell you something'. She uses this line all.the.time. It is her filler for when she doesn't want to do something so she can waste some time. She knows I love having real conversations with her. I used to say 'can I talk to you?' and we'd engage in a talk about whatever was important at that time. I've always encouraged her to speak to me and not be afraid to tell me anything. I love talking with my daughter. BUT, this is just a coy way of wasting time. I will respond with 'what?' and then she sits there and thinks which is usually followed by umm umm umm......I love you or I miss my gramma or I'm hungry or I'm thirsty. Not that I don't love hearing that she loves me or that I'm not concerned that she will starve in her sleep but  I am her mother and I know that saying I love you for the 20th time that night or eating a huge dinner and dessert which makes it difficult to be hungry at 9 o'clock at night is just a sly way of getting me to let her stay up. She wants to stay up, she wants to tug at my heart strings to let her stay up. She's amazingly good at it too. She knows mom's weak spot.  Kids are not stupid!! They are the smartest tiny little people ever!

I know my struggle will end one day, and by one day I mean when she's a teenager. So for now I fully enjoy the nights when she's having a sleepover at her dad's or gramma's because it's one less night I have to spend fighting for her to go to bed (dad and gramma mysteriously don't have any of these same problems when they put her to bed). My one mommy friend is having the same struggle with her little girl as I did with M. I wish I could say it gets better but if she has an M on her hands I can't guarantee anything. Just continue on with a hope and a prayer that you will make it through and laugh about it one day when our babies have babies and they are going through the same thing. Hey, what goes around comes around so LOOK OUT M!

XO
Amber

Content may be offensive to adults

Saturday night was the usual relaxing on our big comfy couch watching TV. One good thing about Saturday night broadcasting is that they play a lot of movies. The boyfriend was in control of the remote and when he came across a movie called 'The Haunting in Connecticut' he decided to tune in. Apparently he had seen this movie years ago and claimed it was 'good'. It was, as the title suggests, a horror movie.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I HATE scary movies. Intense movies in general tend to have a dramatic affect on my body. I'll expand on that. I get very emotionally involved and invested in a movie. I feel what the characters feel, I get overwhelmed with the intensity of the situation. I just get too into it. Even the lamest of lame scary movies can force me to cover my eyes and curl into a ball tightly clinging to my boyfriend.

Following the commercial break the viewer discretion warning was displayed. It isn't uncommon to see this prior to many shows and movies on TV these days. Anyone and everyone can get their panties in a bunch over the silliest viewing content. You just never know who you can offend. I usually think that it's just an over exaggerated precaution put there for legality sake. However, last night the viewer discretion was put there for people like myself. I can say with 100% conviction that this movie was offensive to adults like myself.  Offensive in the fact that I knew I wasn't going to sleep well and I needed a good sleep. Offensive in that it was unnecessarily gruesome and terrifying. Offensive because it dealt with a child would was killed in a horrible fashion. Granted it was a really good scary movie but I was just too scared. I recall at one point I literally felt numbness in my legs. Like all the blood had rushed out of me (this is what I mean when I say I get too involved). It was intense for me.

All in all I made it through the movie with only one loud scream at the top of my lungs and I didn't spill my drink (throwback to when I watched 'Mama' and my Bacardi Breezer ended up on me, the couch, and the wall behind me. This resulted in a new rule my boyfriend put in place for when I watch horror films - placing my drink on the table for the duration of the movie). With that said I think I still would have been happier watching Sex and the City but 'somebody' thinks it's the worst show on television.

What is the scariest movie you've watched? Scary movies -love 'em or hate 'em?

XO
Amber

You catch more bees with honey.

My last post was June 16th 2013. I nearly don't believe that it's been a year and a day since I last wrote a blog post. However, the proof if in the pudding folks.

Onward with blogging.

My mom is a very wise woman. Most of how I learnt to deal with life's hiccups came from her. She may rely on silly little sayings to cheer me up when I'm down on my luck but for some reason these sayings have a big impact on me. The title of this blog is one of her catch phrases. I use it all the time because it speaks the truth. You really do catch more bees with honey. If you are kind and pleasant in the way that you speak you will get better results from those around you. Granted in the right circumstances being firm, speaking with clarity and using less sugar coating can get the job done too but for the most part being nice gets you a long way.

I am a person whose mood is a reflection of those around me. If you are miserable my subconscious automatically adopts the 'if you can't beat em' join em' ' approach. Its just the nature of this beast. I can only try so hard to boost your spirits until my spirits are exhausted and just lay down and die with yours.

This brings me to my moms next catch phrase: 'When life hands you lemons....'. I don't finish that sentence often because people have their own versions (i.e make lemonade, grab the salt and tequila etc.) but you get the drift. Nothing in day to day life troubles is that horrific that you can't turn it around and put a positive spin on it.

Money troubles? My mom always says 'as long as you're working you always have money coming in'. So don't worry just know that you are doing everything you can to make things better.

Significant other drama? Mom always made sure that I remembered to 'never go to bed angry'. The relationship problem may not be resolved but at least say you love each other before bed because you never know what could happen.

When life side swipes you, my mom comforted me and would say 'you need to pick yourself up, dust your self off, and start over'.

Simply saying these phrases to me doesn't make my problems vanish but it does bring comfort. Comfort in knowing that these phrases have been said for years and must have been created based on people with similar problems and in similar situations.

When life gets you down you just need to remember that you aren't alone. 'Everyone is in the same boat.'

XO
Amber

Monkey see, monkey do

Ok blog readers, time to get back to basics.

I'm taking on the fashion world, the topic that brought me to start this blog originally.

I'm constantly on the look for outfit ideas and ways to take what I own and wear it in a different way. Pinterest is great for this. Every season I pull up the Pinterest website on my laptop and search 'Summer outfits' or 'Fall outfits etc etc'. I keep the basic seasonal essentials on hand such as a great blazer for cooler fall outings or a fun coloured flowing maxi dress for hot summer days. However, I like to see how other people style these things. What accessories they pair it with or different looks that stem from a wardrobe basic.

This allows me to purchase just a few trendy pieces each season that take the look to a new level, and that are usually inexpensive. I don't have to blow my hard earned money on completely different ensemble.

Not only does Pinterest get my creative fashion juices flowing but so does the simple things like people watching. I've been known to ask complete strangers where they purchased certain articles of clothing. Call it too forward or strange but if I like something I want to know where to get it. The world is a giant runway. You can see how other people wear things differently and mimic it next time you are scouring your closet for a fresh new look.

Fashion is always fun and is can always be reinvented. You just need the right tools and confidence to do it.

XO
Amber

My dream life

When I was in high school I never dreamt I'd be where I am today.

I had high hopes of a fabulous career, living in a big city and a to.die.for apartment. I am approaching my 26th birthday this August and have really started evaluating what I wanted then, what I want now and coming to terms with the path I've chosen for myself thus far.

I do not have a fabulous career. However, I am lucky enough to have not one but two jobs. That's more than most people can say these days.

I'm living in Niagara still, a far cry from a big city. There isn't much room here for my big dreams of old to grow. However, this is my home, my daughters home and where my support system of family and friends is and that is something I can't take with me to Toronto, New York or Los Angeles.

I may not have a chic swanky apartment. However, my apartment  is cozy and quaint and a steal of a deal because of my sexy landlord aka my boyfriend. I wouldn't trade a door man in a secure building on a big city street for the comfort and security of living in the upper unit of  my boyfriends home.

I may have left the nest a little too early instead of living with mom for a while and saving up for the future. I may have hastily fled across the country to live with a man whom, at the time, I loved. I may have put my dreams on the back burner for another human being who I wanted to see succeed in life as much as myself. I may have stayed too long in that relationship but one month, or hour or second less and I may not have my precious baby girl. The one who can turn my frown upside down in an instant.

The old Amber would think I may not have it all and the modern day Amber still questions her decisions that led her here today. However, the mistakes I've made are what have made me who I am. I've learnt a lot from this path I have chosen. I am here today because of what happened yesterday. I'm learning slowly that I can still follow my dreams but they aren't the dreams I used to have. Those are out of reach due to circumstances in my life that I can't change, ones that I have chosen to live. I need to make new dreams.

I can only dream that one day I will still be living happily in an amazing relationship with a man who always puts me and M first. One day I will be working only one job that does not require me to be away from home more nights than not. One day I will be home every night with M, doing bath time, reading stories and the occasional dance party in the kitchen before it's time to be tucked into bed. I may not be making big time money or live somewhere amazing but as long as I am making enough to get by and then some and living with and near the ones I love I will be happy.

I look at people like my younger sister. She is 5 years younger than I am. I look at her and I am screaming inside at her to get out of this place, to go back to school while she isn't committed to a husband or children. I want her to go further than I did. To make memories, be silly, be young, be what ever she wants to be without restrictions. To live her life and live her dreams.. Then I stop and think. She isn't me, her dreams may be smaller or completely different than mine were. She may dream of having a life like I do right now. She may just want to be happy. Whatever she becomes, or doesn't, her choices now, good or bad, are leading her to where she's meant to be.

I'm still learning to love where I am and who I am. It'll take time. I think as we grow up we accept our fates a little easier and cherish the person we've grown up to be. I believe we shouldn't have any regrets. Any mistake in our journey is worth making if it makes you a better version of who you are, if you've learnt something from it.

 

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you've imagined"- Thoreau
 

Living through lost life

I wanted to blog today about something that lies heavy on my heart.

It is great sadness that has brought me to write this post.

With the tragic death of Tim Bosma I started thinking about loss. I didn't know this man or any of his family but I share something in common. Loss. Loss of a father who was too young to be taken from this earth. I know the pain of not growing up with a male figure in my life to look up to. I've seen the sadness take hold of my mother in the quiet moments when her babies would curl up beside her and say ' I miss daddy'. I cannot compare my loss to anyone elses. My father died of natural causes not because of a ruthless monster's sick agenda. However, it's all relative. Loss is loss, no matter how you look at it. It all hurts. It all takes time to heal. It all doesn't make sense.

Another man who past away this weekend was a brother of a man I work with. My co-workers at the bar I'm employed at are like family to me. When one hurts, we all hurt. Each one of us has felt loss at some point in time. Even though we might not be able to put into words our sympathies we can easily put ourselves in his shoes and feel what he's feeling.

Both of these deaths ended lives too short. It all makes me question why? Why does this happen to good people, to young people. Whether it's a brutal attack, an unseen health condition, or a suicide because of bully and hate. It's never fair, it's never warranted.

After I pulled my co-worker aside and expressed my sadness and sympathies for the loss of his brother, his triplet, he graciously said thank you and then shared with me his thoughts on the whole thing. Even though he is broken and his heart is hurting he said 'life goes on'. He said: ' Life doesn't stop. I still have to take my daughter to dance, I still have to go to work to pay my bills'. I couldn't have agreed more. Granted I think some time is needed to deal with your emotions and be able to go about life without breaking down. However, it's true, life goes on. We need to keep living through the lost life of our loved ones. Everyone deals with grief differently and everyone has different outlooks on it. I don't speak for everyone but this holds true for me.

As we go on living after we've suffered the loss of a friend or family member that person lives on in our hearts. It is  in the little moments of life that we can feel their presence. This isn't just a thought or feeling I have, I've seen it first hand- I've felt it. When the night falls and my baby girl can't quite go to sleep by herself, I hold her in my arms and look at her precious little face and see my dad staring back at me. When I burst out laughing at something funny, I can hear his laugh. When I accomplish something great I can feel his presence and know he's watching and proud. My life goes on without my dad. It's never the same as it would be if he were here but it's the life I was meant to live. Everything happens for a reason regardless of if you know the reason or will know it in hindsight. God has a plan. If my dad hadn't passed away, my life would be vastly different. If could be better or it could be worse. I will never know and I don't want to. I suffered through the loss of loosing my father, of knowing he would never meet my baby girl, never walk me down the aisle, never be there to catch me when I fall. But I take great comfort in knowing he's always with me. He's forever in my heart. He is my heart, my soul.

If I can offer anything to all families who have lost a father, mother, sister, brother, child, friend, it is to live the life that they no longer can. It may feel like you can't go on  nor will it ever be the same but time will make it easier to live. The life of your lost one will live on in you, and that's worth living for.

In loving memory of Tim Bosma, Dave Willick and my father Stephen Cleverley- forever in our hearts

XO
Amber

The power of Coconut Oil

 

I'm so excited to share this post with you all. I have fallen in love with Coconut Oil and have been using it for a month or so now and feel it's time to let you all in on the wonders of this product.

Initially, I heard about coconut oil from a woman on my facebook feed raving about 'oil pulling'. I had never heard of this before so in usual Amber fashion I took to Google to find out what was so great about it. I learned that 'oil pulling' is an old Indian folk remedy which requires a person to 'swish' or 'pull' oil in your mouth for approx 10-20 min before eating or drinking. They say not to gargle or swallow the oil as it pulls toxins from your lymph nodes, gums and teeth and would be harmful to swallow all that garbage. It can aid in a multitude of things health wise. Once you are done swishing the oil you spit it into the toilet or garbage. Don't let it go down your sink drain because it will solidify and cause blockage. It's recommended that you use coconut oil, which comes in a solid form. Other types of oils can also work. Learning all of this info lead me to research coconut oil in more depth.

Like I mentioned, it comes in a solid form. The best way to describe it is that it looks like lard. You can purchase it in the organic section of your local grocery store. So how has coconut oil changed my life? I have suffered with psoriasis for years now. Sometimes it's really bad, sometimes its nonexistent. Last summer it covered my calves and forearms. It's embarrassing and painful and just plain ugly. This spring it decided to disappear from my legs and arms and resurface on my stomach. As if having a belly covered in stretch marks wasn't enough I now had red blotches of dry skin too. It was especially painful in this area because it was conveniently located on my hips right where my jeans would sit. By the end of the day my skin hurt so bad from having my pants rub on the infected area all day long. Something had to give. I tried Gold bond, which I heard helped other people with this problem. It would take the pain away slightly but wouldn't ever make it go away completely. Not to mention it smelt horrible. I'd seen a dermatologist and he didn't have much to say about it. He wanted to prescribe a bunch of different meds for it, all of which were costly and not practical. It wasn't until I discovered coconut oil as a moisturizer that I found relief.

I bought a jar ($15.99 @ Zehrs) and would apply it directly to the trouble areas on my stomach twice a day. It became part of my getting ready routine and my bedtime routine.  It melts in your hands from the heat of your body and is super oily but absorbs a lot into your skin so I didn't feel like I had an oily film on me all day. It also never left residue on my sheets and night. Over the course of a few weeks I used coconut oil religiously. I also got my mom hooked on it. She uses it as a substitute for butter in her pancakes that M loves so much. She melts it on her potatoes and also puts some in the pan when making stir-fry. She loves it as much as I do. It’s so good for you. Inside and out it’s the best oil to use.

I am now a month into using this miracle product. It has pretty much cleared up my psoriasis completely. And those stretch marks M graciously blessed me with, well because they were in the area of my psoriasis they got covered in the oil too. They have faded significantly. I've tried Bio Oil and Strivectin, both of which were a waste of time and money. My stretch marks were pretty horrible, red and wide. I knew they'd never go away completely but I just wanted them to be clear or white not red and purple looking. They are now almost the same colour as my skin. It's amazing to me!!!

Some of the other health benefits from Coconut Oil are listed below:

·     Kills viruses that cause influenza, herpes, measles, hepatitis C, SARS, AIDS, and other illnesses.

·     Kills bacteria that cause ulcers, throat infections, urinary tract infections, gum disease and cavities, pneumonia, and gonorrhea, and other diseases.

·     Kills fungi and yeasts that cause candidiasis, ringworm, athlete's foot, thrush, diaper rash, and other infections.

·     Expels or kills tapeworms, lice, giardia, and other parasites.

·     Provides a nutritional source of quick energy.

·     Boosts energy and endurance, enhancing physical and athletic performance.

·     Improves digestion and absorption of other nutrients including vitamins, minerals, and amino acids.

·     Improves insulin secretion and utilization of blood glucose.

·     Relieves stress on pancreas and enzyme systems of the body.

·     Reduces symptoms associated with pancreatitis.

·     Helps relieve symptoms and reduce health risks associated with diabetes.

·     Reduces problems associated with malabsorption syndrome and cystic fibrosis.

·     Improves calcium and magnesium absorption and supports the development of strong bones and teeth.

·     Helps protect against osteoporosis.

·     Helps relieve symptoms associated with gallbladder disease.

·     Relieves symptoms associated with Crohn's disease, ulcerative colitis, and stomach ulcers.

·     Improves digestion and bowel function.

·     Relieves pain and irritation caused by hemorrhoids.

·     Reduces inflammation.

·     Supports tissue healing and repair.

·     Supports and aids immune system function.

·     Helps protect the body from breast, colon, and other cancers.

·     Is heart healthy; improves cholesterol ratio reducing risk of heart disease.

·     Protects arteries from injury that causes atherosclerosis and thus protects against heart disease.

·     Helps prevent periodontal disease and tooth decay.

·     Functions as a protective antioxidant.

·     Helps to protect the body from harmful free radicals that promote premature aging and degenerative disease.

·     Does not deplete the body's antioxidant reserves like other oils do.

·     Improves utilization of essential fatty acids and protects them from oxidation.

·     Helps relieve symptoms associated with chronic fatigue syndrome.

·     Relieves symptoms associated with benign prostatic hyperplasia (prostate enlargement).

·     Reduces epileptic seizures.

·     Helps protect against kidney disease and bladder infections.

·     Dissolves kidney stones.

·     Helps prevent liver disease.

·     Is lower in calories than all other fats.

·     Supports thyroid function.

·     Promotes loss of excess weight by increasing metabolic rate.

·     Is utilized by the body to produce energy in preference to being stored as body fat like other dietary fats.

·     Helps prevent obesity and overweight problems.

·     Applied topically helps to form a chemical barrier on the skin to ward of infection.

·     Reduces symptoms associated the psoriasis, eczema, and dermatitis.

·     Supports the natural chemical balance of the skin.

·     Softens skin and helps relieve dryness and flaking.

·     Prevents wrinkles, sagging skin, and age spots.

·     Promotes healthy looking hair and complexion.

·     Provides protection from damaging effects of ultraviolet radiation from the sun.

·     Helps control dandruff.

·     Does not form harmful by-products when heated to normal cooking temperature like other vegetable oils do.

·     Has no harmful or discomforting side effects.

·     Is completely non-toxic to humans.

(Taken from: http://www.coconutresearchcenter.org/)

 

I will never go without Coconut Oil ever again! I highly recommend adding it to your diet or skincare regimen. If you choose to experiment with it, make sure you are buying 100% pure organic Coconut Oil. 

Hope you fall in love with it as much as I have. 

 

XO

Amber